A couple of random thoughts have been running through my head today. I'm going to share one with you in an effort to finish thinking them through.
Do we say "I was just joking" when we should be saying "I'm sorry"?
The other day a business acquaintance (not someone I am close with at all, I'm pretty sure we've never had a true conversation) asked me a question, I explained that I honestly didn't know the answer, and she made a rude, abrasive comment to me on the fly then very quickly followed it up with "ha ha ha I'm just joking" and walked away. I haven't been able to get this exchange out of my mind. I know it is a very ordinary exchange and I am guilty of making these comments myself. However, it bothers me. There was no harm intended in the abrasive "joke" about a very trivial matter, but it still kind of rubbed me the wrong way and left a bad impression of our interaction. I don't think it was really a joke - I think calling it a joke was how she made herself feel better for being rude. It was an excuse.
I think it is far to easy to speak without thinking and offend the people around us. Then we try to save face by calling it a joke. Calling it a joke doesn't erase the offense though. It risks leaving a bad taste in the other person's mouth. Making us seem callous and careless about how we treat each other. Please don't misinterpret - I'm not against humor or even some sarcasm, but I really feel it can become an empty excuse for our thoughtless actions. Maybe I should be more against sarcasm since it is usually intended wound in a passive aggressive way...I can think more about that later.
What's the solution? One - I'm going to continue trying to think before I speak. Two - (Because one doesn't always work out) I'm going to try to apologize when I say something that could be/is received as hurtful, callous, rude, or offensive, rather than calling it a joke.
Mistakes happen, stupid things are said by most people sometimes accidentally, sometimes intentionally. Our reactions are in our control. A quick apology shows respect for yourself as well as the listener.
I wouldn't have thought twice about the rude comment if it had been followed by simple apology for speaking without thinking (which doesn't equal adding "sorry" to "just joking"). I would have thought twice in a positive way, however, about the kind of person it takes to correct her mistake so intentionally.
I apologize if this seems preachy - I'm thinking aloud. Maybe this is a more isolated event than I realize. I feel like it's an important lesson to learn in a too-sarcastic world, but maybe just for me. What do you think?
Passing The Baton
2 years ago
I agree with you wholeheartedly Teri. I used to use sarcasm a lot, but over the last couple of years I realized how heartful it can be. Sarcasm isn't usually funny unless we're making fun of someone, and it has to be true to be funny. From my point of view it is a license say something that has the potential to be incredibly mean, then laugh about it, and most people will just accept it because its socially acceptable to think its funny. I definitely don't have it down perfectly either, but I've definitely made an effort to cut it out of my life. Good luck implementing your changes!
ReplyDeleteHey Mariah! Thanks for your thoughts. I've recognized sarcasm as harmful for a while too, but find myself still using it all too often.
ReplyDeleteI hope you are doing well! It is so good to hear from you!
I hate sarcasm. I usually cringe when I hear others use it. I don't find it funny at all if anything I find it offensive. One of the things I loved about living in Louisville was that sarcasm was not such an acceptable form of joking. In return I found myself much less sarcastic. Unfortunately I am right back into a culture of sarcasm where I am at. I just hate when jokes and laughs are at a person's expense.
ReplyDeleteNow if you fall down........well then I can laugh freely.......and make sure your ok of course. :)
Miss you Teri.
I totally agree with you! I sometimes say "I'm just joking" but it's in a playful way, not in the context of an abrasive comment. I'm not a fan of sarcasm either. Thanks for sharing your perspective!
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