That Woman

Day Eighty-six: Last night, Ariel woke up in the middle of the night. At 17 months, she rarely does this anymore and when she does she usually goes back to sleep very easily. Last night, that was how it went. I got up picked her up and rocked her for about five minutes. I laid her down, covered her up, and she went back to sleep. Not bad at all.

Not so long ago it wasn't quite so easy. I have always slept well. Late pregnancy was my first exposure to poor sleeping, but it was nothing compared to life with a new baby. Oh, how I missed sleep...and I had it good. I have a very helpful husband who helped a lot at night. I have a baby who has always slept well, but she was a newborn too.

We were surviving. More than surviving, doing well - just exhausted. One day I was talking to a friend about how different life was and how hard it was. (Not complaining - just being transparent. And processing a major change in my life.) She tried to understand, but wasn't a parent yet so it was hard. However, her sister was a mom. She told me how her sister treasured the time she had to spend with each of her babies in the middle of the night. At the moment, I was baffled. I couldn't imagine being that woman. Ever. I thought about it frequently though. I remembered that it was a possibility. The longer I considered it, the more I wanted to be that woman.

I made a decision to be that woman. I would do my best appreciate the precious moments I have with my child, especially at inopportune times. I would change my perspective. I did. It wasn't always easy to get there. I had to remind myself every time, but I'm so happy to have changed. My memories of Ariel's first months are better because I changed.

Last night, I didn't want to get out of bed. I was sleeping. I was warm. But Ariel was calling, loudly. I got up and went to her. Before I got to her, I wasn't that woman. When I touched her, I was. I knew it wouldn't take long. I knew I would go back to sleep soon. I knew that even if it did take a while, times like these will not always be available to me, they are passing all too quickly. I loved that moment. I cherished my child in the dark, silence of night. Just the two of us.

Thank you, God, for my friend and her sister. Thank you for the ability to learn from one another's experiences. Thank you for perspective. Nothing physically changed in me, but by changing the way I think I was given a gift. Thank you for sleepless nights that result in special bonding with my child. Thank you for all the gifts that I recieved because of those sleepless nights.



What's this about? I decided on my birthday to make a commitment to being intentionally thankful. I challenged myself to post one thing I am thankful for everyday this year.