Thinking of giving up

Day one hundred sixty: Recently, I have wanted to stop the gratitude challenge. I'm not satisfied with my posts. They aren't interesting. They aren't very well written. They definitely aren't original (except maybe in their dryness). However, I'm planning to stick with it. There is something about finishing something I have started that keeps me going. Further, this isn't just some meaningless project, being thankful for God's gifts is important.

What makes this difficult... I find it difficult to come up with something new everyday to be thankful for. Not because I am lacking in blessings - rather, I am lacking in creativity and sometimes eyes to see. When I sit down to write, I run through my day and try to remember something that stood out, usually my first ideas are repeats or so similar to others that I rule them out. Then I try to choose something and it comes out cheesy or shallow.

Why I'll keep going... Because I have much to be thankful for. Also, I feel I'm more likely to be more thankful past this challenge the longer I keep this discipline going. Because it is challenging - I just can't give up something that is hard because it is hard, how will I grow, learn, change at the first sign of struggle.

In my studies of education, I learned that stress is essential to learning, to life really. Too much stress can be bad and harmful (as we've all heard a million times), but not all stress is distress. There are stressors that improve memory and make us think more quickly and clearly. It works physically too; I've been cheering my husband on as he works out with P90X and it is painful. It isn't hurting him, but it doesn't feel pleasant. His body is under stress, however, in order to get to the next level he has to push beyond his current level. He is choosing to endure the stress. He readily accepts this stress because the payoff is worthwhile.

This gratitude challenge doesn't "stress me out" in the commom sense necessarily, but it is a stressor of sorts. The challenge feels difficult when I can't think of something new each and every day, the challenge is daily so I feel pressure to come up with something pretty much constantly. This is a strain, but the results are worthwhile.

By being (or continuing to be) consciously thankful each day... I am more alert to God's presence in my life. I am more appreciative of every level of blessing. I am humbled by my struggle with the challenge. I am spending more time in reflection about the things happening in my life and the things I am doing or not doing and should be doing or not doing.

Thank you, God, for the challenge to give thanks. Your Word speaks of thanksgiving numerous times and I want to meet the challenge. Thank you for the blessings that come from being thankful. Thank you for how this 1 year challenge has affected me. Thank you for the stress. Please help me to see new reasons to give thanks everyday and to express them better. Thank you for using my reflection.



What's this about? I decided on my birthday to make a commitment to being intentionally thankful. I challenged myself to post one thing I am thankful for everyday this year.