Amazing Husband, Being a Mommy and then a Homemaker

I have a good husband. I wish he was going to be home today. I wish he was home everyday - not like he can't work outside the home, but just that he comes home everyday. He travels for his job though, so he doesn't always come home everyday. Today I tried to explain to Ariel that Daddy isn't always home because he works and sometimes his work makes him stay away longer. She's just one, so I doubt she really understood. I'm thinking it's important to explain his absence though. Maybe not so important this time, but eventually it will be.

He is a really good husband though. I feel like I wouldn't have made it through this year without him. He was involved from the day Ariel was born (before that really, he helped me a lot through a rather difficult third trimester). I had a c-section and complications, so he was the involved parent at the hospital. All I did was nurse and sleep. I didn't even get to visit the nursery. I only left my hospital room to go to the car (well and for surgery, but I was on a bed for that so I don't think it counted). He changed diapers (his first ever), he swaddled (he's got mean swaddle skills), he calmed. I remember holding her one time when he left the room to get the car ready and she started crying. I couldn't calm her. I needed him. We cried together. I did eventually get her to stop crying, but it was scary as a brand new mom to feel so incompetent. (I got better at this feeling as our time together increased. :) )

He is a great husband. After the hospital, we went home. I take it for granted that husbands help with new babies. I've learned this isn't always true. I am blessed to have one who helps because he is the daddy and he believes that's what the daddy does. I did all the breastfeeding, but I did not get up by myself in the middle of the night, especially in the first couple of months. He was working all day in the office (or whereever), but he recognized that I was working too just at home. So we took care of Ariel day and night together. Early on, he did the middle of the night diaper changes, bringing her to me to feed, and a lot of the calming back to sleep. Eventually, I got up to get her, feed her, and put her back to sleep myself - but on hard nights we tackled nights together. Ariel sleeps through the night now and so do we. Well, for the most part. Now, everynight he get's her ready for bed as they've been doing since the early months. They have a nightly routine that they have held on to.

He is really a great husband though. He helps around the house too. He doesn't ever make me feel like the fact that I stay at home means I should do everything that has to do with the house. I do, but that's my problem. More on that later. He acts like it is his house too and his responsibility too. Granted, I tend to tell him what needs to be done, but that's cause I keep up with what needs to be done not because I'm in charge or the responsible one. He does dishes at night. He picks up Ariel's toys when she goes to bed. (Although, that may soon be a shared duty since today all by herself she began putting her toys in a basket - yay!!) He does most of the yard work. He feeds the dogs. He's willing to do more if I ask, but I kind of have a system and I like to do things my way. If it gets to be too much, we'll reevaluate.

Back to my issue though. I've recently realized something. We decided I would stay home with our children at least for the first few years. That is the reason I am home. To be with Ariel, to be her parent. To play with her, care for her, feed her, teach her. To be with Ariel. However, when I take care of her, I feel guilty if I am not doing something else. I feel compelled to keep a perfectly clean house (compelled does not mean it happens), keep our finances in strict order (budget, coupons, spending, bills, saving, etc), keep us well fed with homemade meals. A homemaker. These things are all good and generally necessary, but they are not equal to Ariel. They are not the reason I am home.

I don't know. My problem is that I don't just take care of Ariel and sometimes I put time with her on a back burner to do other things that I feel need to be done. Better put, I feel guilty for just taking care of Ariel. Lately, I'm convicted that nothing needs to be done as much as being with Ariel. It is good that she can entertain herself and I am grateful that she can as its a skill necessary in life, but she doesn't need to entertain herself just because she can so that I can do housework. Argh. Maybe I'm just rambling. Talking about nothing. I know none of this is new. It is for me though. I have to think it all through.

Simply put, I'm convicted that I can just take care of Ariel. That can be what I do. That is why I stay home. Someone can ask, "what did you do today?" and it will be good if all I can say is "I took care of Ariel - we played, we talked, we laughed, we went outside, we ate together. That's all I did today." I'll get the chores done. They need to be done whether I am staying at home or going out to work. Plus, I have a good husband. We'll get everything done that needs to be done. We're a team. Did I mention I have an amazing husband?

He really is amazing. I like him. Not just for helping with parenting or cleaning. Not just for letting me strictly police our spending (too strictly sometimes). "No, we cannot buy a $.50 soda,
we have kool-aid and apple juice at home and we'll be there in 50 minutes." He makes me laugh. I love watching him play with Ariel. I love watching him watch Ariel. He really likes her. Of course he loves her (who wouldn't), but he likes her too. That's special to observe. I like watching him play with our dogs. He enjoys them and he cares for them. He loves God. His career goal is to effect as many people as possible for the Kingdom (I think its a life goal too). Whatever that involves, he's up for it. I love to listen to him sing. Really, this I love. He listens too. Sometimes imperfectly, but he does listen. He wants to be a better man. He loves me. When he says he loves me, I know it's true because I can see him doing it - in our home, in our marriage, in our family. He is my blessing.